WakeUp Call
by TamSibling
Summary: After Early’s intrusion, Kaylee has a hard time feeling safe on Serenity, while Mal struggles with Inara’s decision to leave. Hints of Simon:Kaylee and Mal:Inara. Rated R for adult concepts.


Title: Wake-Up Call

Pairings: Simon/Kaylee, hints of Mal/Inara

Rating: R for adult concepts

Spoilers: everything through "Objects in Space"

Summary: After Early's intrusion, Kaylee has a hard time feeling safe on Serenity, while Mal struggles with Inara's decision to leave.

A/N: So, I wrote this a long, long time ago (like 2 years) and never got around to posting it. I'm trying to clean out my hard drive, so I thought I'd share this with whoever's interested. Enjoy!

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Wake-Up Call

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River watched Kaylee as she stared into the infirmary. The young woman's eyes had never wavered from her brother's prone form, her lips never managing to find their way into a smile even as Wash and Zoe did their best to ease the tension. The mechanic simply continued to stare as they prepped Simon for surgery, offering no sign that she was even aware of what was happening around her.

And it pained River.

Making a decision, the young reader bounded towards Kaylee, pulling the other girl to her feet with a start. "Come on, I want to play," River told her, keeping a firm hold on her hand and leading Kaylee towards the cargo bay.

"Ah, River, I don't think …" Kaylee glanced over her shoulder, wishing someone would say something, but Inara and the captain were locked in one of their fierce stares and Wash and Zoe were in the midst of surgery. The Shepherd and Jayne could be heard lifting weights just through the door, counting and concentrating. She had no one to bail her out.

Ignoring the fear and uncertainty that roared through Kaylee's mind, River did not stop moving until she'd found her jacks set from earlier in the day and plopped down next to it. Turning her large, brown eyes up to Kaylee, she patted the decking next to her and said, "Sit."

Swallowing hard, Kaylee sat slowly, keeping her eyes on River. As the young genius hefted the jacks into her hand and then scattered them with a flourish, Kaylee knew this was wrong. Fighting back the sting of tears and the horror of the past few hours, she murmured, "River."

Meeting her eyes once more, River smiled again and this time it was a sympathetic and warm expression, not the normal bratty one she saved for her brother or the joking one she used on Jayne. This one covered her whole face and even reached her eyes and Kaylee felt her heart rate slow a bit at the expression.

Reaching for Kaylee's trembling hand, River squeezed it gently and told her, "It's all right. Everyone's going to be okay."

With an inexplicable release of tension, Kaylee let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. Trying desperately to regain her normal cheery countenance, she did her best to push all thoughts of Early and his intrusion out of her mind. She could do it, she knew she could; it wasn't in Kaylee to not be cheerful.

After a moment, her eyes again opened and she smiled at River who smiled back. With a bit of her usual joy, Kaylee began to tell a story to lighten the mood, one related to sex not-so-surprisingly and River smiled dutifully, enjoying Kaylee's grin more than the story. It was strange, even for River to watch the girl swing from scared to jovial in the span of a minute. However, the young reader also knew that Kaylee's mood, her entire being, was centered on being cheerful. Even in the face of undeniable odds, the mechanic could find the bright side to just about anything. Which was precisely what she had resolved to do now.

Rolling the big, mottled ball between her fingers absentmindedly as she listened, River studied the jacks, her mind making patterns among them, showing her options. Her brain did the math, calculating the split second of hang time she would have to scoop up as many of the silver specks as she could. Licking her lips, she murmured, "I can win this."

Kaylee heard her and grinned. River was so intent to win, so serious, it made the mechanic smile. Everything with the Tams was always so uptight; Kaylee hoped that in the case of Simon that wouldn't always be true. The thought of him brought another smile and then a flicker of sadness as Kaylee remembered his wound, but she shook it away and patted River's knee. "That's a lotta talk there, genius."

Smiling again, River accepted the girl's implied challenge, glad to feel some of Kaylee's trepidation easing, and dropped the ball.

---- ----

Inara knew she couldn't change her mind. She had told Mal she was going; if she backed out now, if she stayed on Serenity, she knew what he would think, what he would say. And that was a level of vulnerability Inara Serra was not quite ready to forfeit.

So she went about with her plans, contacting an old classmate, Sheydra, and arranging for a teaching position at one of the satellite academies. Now, she was packing, and Inara could not remember ever being quite so sad.

A small, hesitant knock on her shuttle door pulled her from her reverie. Glancing up she smiled wide as Kaylee poked her head into the shuttle. "Hey you," she greeted her, placing aside her folding and rising to meet her friend.

Kaylee returned the smile although it was hollow; Inara didn't notice. So consumed was she with her own conflicted thoughts, she had missed much of her friend's hesitation over the past two weeks since Early had been onboard. Hugging the younger woman, Inara asked, "Would you like some tea? I could use a break."

"Sure." Kaylee's voice was barely more than a whisper and this finally caught Inara's attention. Pulling back from her friend, she met the mechanic's dull gaze and frowned. "Sweetie, are you feeling all right?"

Doing her best to put on a happy face, Kaylee told her, "Shiny. Jus' a mite tired is all."

"Well then, I think some girl talk and a little tea is definitely in order." Inara moved to set the service as Kaylee moved more fully into the shuttle and took a seat on the couch lining one wall.

Kaylee's hands absentmindedly tugged on the sleeves of her jumpsuit as she waited for Inara to pour the tea. She needed to talk to her friend about something, anything, just so long as she was distracted enough to not think. It had been all she could do over the past few weeks to not think about Early, to not think about what had almost happened, to not think about Simon getting shot and River turning herself in. Kaylee wanted so desperately not to think anymore.

Searching for a topic, she asked, "So, did ya have a nice visit?"

Not turning from her work, Inara answered, "Yes. Sheydra is a dear, I've known her since my first day at the Academy." Picking up the small tray, Inara turned and joined Kaylee on the couch, using the small table to balance the china. "We were able to make all the necessary arrangements and I was able to drop off a few things."

Kaylee smiled slightly as Inara handed her a steaming cup and took a tentative sip. Inara drank as well, and then said dryly, "No sex unfortunately, but …" Raising her eyes, Inara expected to share a knowing smile with her cheerful friend, the young woman who had always been so enamored by Inara and her profession. But as she met Kaylee's gaze, her face fell; the normally bright and happy girl was trembling, her cheeks having faded to a shade of white Inara had never seen before.

Reaching for her tea and setting it down, Inara inched forward, grasping Kaylee's shaky hands in her own. "Mei mei, what is it?"

Kaylee stared at her for untold moments, her eyes searching every aspect of Inara's face. Finally, they rested on the healing cut in her lower lip and she managed to ask, "Does it hurt?"

Puzzled, Inara's brow furrowed as she answered, "Not much no. I've had worse."

At this statement, Kaylee's face actually paled further and Inara finally connected all the clues. Placing a light hand to Kaylee's cheek, she asked softly, "Kaylee, do you want to talk about it?"

Shaking her head once, Kaylee's fearful gaze again came to Inara's and the older woman felt her heart break just a bit at the sight. This wasn't like her friend; Kaylee should never be so scared and it pained Inara that one man, even an evil, horrible one like Jubal Early, had that kind of power. "I wanna stop thinkin' 'bout it," she whispered, forcing Inara to refocus on her. "I wanna forget it ever happened."

Glancing down to Kaylee's wrists, Inara caught the sight of a red ring around one. Pushing her jumpsuit sleeve up a bit, Inara made note of the angry mark that encircled her friend's wrist. "What is it you're trying to forget, Kaylee?" Inara prayed that in the confusion that had followed Early's intrusion they all hadn't missed Kaylee's pain.

"All o' it," the younger woman answered quietly. Pulling her hands away, she again pulled her sleeves down, cupping them in her fists protectively. Rising on shaky legs, she paced away from Inara and stared at nothing for many moments. Inara let her go, watching from across the room. Inara had always been a bit jealous of Kaylee's big heart and easy-going demeanor. They were traits that Inara herself had never quite possessed. And she often envied the happiness with which Kaylee viewed the 'verse.

But at this moment, she could see what a detriment that heart was to Kaylee and instead of feeling a twinge of smug satisfaction as she had thought she might, Inara felt an overwhelming need to protect the younger woman from something like this happening again.

"I don't understand." Swallowing hard, Kaylee tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke, but weeks of pent-up emotion were quickly welling out of her. She had always felt Inara's shuttle to be a calm, safe haven, and the little bit of inner strength she'd built up over the past weeks was slipping now, surrounded by her friend's inviting presence.

Turning slowly, she kept her eyes cast to the floor and continued. "I don' understand how somebody can be so wrong." Shivering, Kaylee wrapped her arms around herself and murmured, "He was mean, 'Nara. An' not jus' mean, evil."

Raising tear-filled eyes to her friend, she shuddered remembering his threats and then murmured, "He coulda done anythin'. He was strong an' he'd locked everyone in their bunks, an' I couldn't …"

A small sob finally escaped her lips and Inara rose just as Kaylee's shoulders began to shake. Enveloping her in a tight embrace, Inara shushed her with words of comfort, stroking one finely manicured hand through Kaylee's auburn hair. "Kaylee, sweetheart, did he hurt you?"

Shaking her head, it took Kaylee a few moments to get the words out past her tears. "No, he said he was gonna, said he'd rape me." As Inara's eyes closed against this statement, her friend's reactions more clearly understood, Kaylee added, "Tied me up. Said if'n I screamed or did anythin' to muck up his plan, he'd … he'd come back."

"But he didn't, mei mei." Inara leaned back from Kaylee, wiping along her cheek and taking some of the young woman's tears with her. "You're safe and sound and he's gone. He can't hurt you again."

"But 'Nara, I thought he was gonna." Kaylee's voice was broken with tears, but she went on. "An' I jus' crumpled. I din't do nothin' to stop him."

"What could you have done, Kaylee?" Inara hoped she could get her friend to see reason. "You were in an unenviable position. And when the time came, you did act."

"Only 'cause o' River." With a heavy sigh, Kaylee backed out of Inara's arms and wandered away, sitting heavily on the edge of her bed. Following her, Inara took a seat beside her and waited, watching Kaylee as she outlined the bear patch on the leg of her coveralls. That patch really said it all. "She's the one told me I could do it."

Her eyes again heavy with tears, Kaylee looked back to Inara and murmured, "An' I tattled on her, jus' that morning. Tellin' the cap'n an' everybody what she done at Niska's. An' she still helped me, but I din't-" Stopping abruptly, Kaylee dropped her face into her hands, this time crying silent tears as her shame overwhelmed her.

Resting a light hand to her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, Inara was shocked when Kaylee pulled away, bringing an angry glare to bear on her. "Don't, 'Nara. I don't deserve any forgiveness for what I done." With a forlorn glance to the shuttle's door, she added in a whisper, "He ain't never gonna speak to me again."

Following Kaylee's glance, Inara tried to sort through all the woman was telling her. Knowing there was really only one man on the ship whom Kaylee would mourn the loss of speaking with, she guessed, "Simon?"

Nodding numbly, Kaylee told her, "He's gonna hate me."

"Mei mei," Inara admonished, cupping Kaylee's chin in her hand and raising her face back up to meet her gaze. "I don't think that's possible. It's quite apparent to all of us that Simon has come to care for you a great deal over the past months."

"But I told." It was a plaintive cry, as if those were the very words Kaylee had been dying to say since she'd entered. Rising and pacing, this time with a frenetic energy that set Inara on edge, Kaylee explained in a strangled tone, "I told that hun dan where River was. He threatened me an' I just folded. I din't even try an' fight. When Simon finds out I didn't do nothin' to protect him or River, he's gonna-"

"What, Kaylee?" Inara's sharp tone cut through Kaylee's high-pitched confession. "What do you think Simon will do?" When the younger woman had no answer, Inara rose and stood before her, hands on her shoulders. Meeting her gaze, she said, "Early's intrusion was unwelcome and frightening, for everyone, Simon and River included. Early threatened you, Kaylee, in the worst way possible. But you telling him where River sleeps, that's information he would have gained anyway. Serenity's not that big."

Sighing heavily, Kaylee did not interrupt, so Inara continued. "Do you honestly think Simon would rather you'd been injured or even killed in the name of protecting his sister?"

"But she's part o' our crew," Kaylee whispered, baleful eyes alighting on Inara's face. "That means we gotta look out for each other."

"Yes, mei mei, it does, and you do look out for River." As the mechanic rolled her eyes and frowned mightily, Inara hastened to explain. "Kaylee, there is no one else on this ship, except for maybe Simon, who treats River like you do. You don't act strangely around her or treat her with kid gloves, you just accept her as a young woman. You help her to play and laugh and that is a gift, Kaylee."

Waiting a beat, Inara gave her friend a warm smile as she took another deep breath. "That is a gift to both River and Simon."

"It still don't make up for what I done," Kaylee said sullenly. "I shouln't o' told him."

"Kaylee, who's to say what you should or shouldn't have done? It was a horrendous situation, made worse because Early was a man with no morals and only one guiding principle – power." Brushing some of Kaylee's hair off her shoulder, Inara added softly, "Anyone in your position would have done the same thing."

"Would you?"

Inara sighed quietly as soon as the question was uttered. She'd realized, as soon as her last statement was out of her mouth, that Kaylee would ask her. The girl would want to know what Inara would have done in a similar situation. But while she considered Kaylee to be a little sister and a dear friend, they were so very, very different.

Wrapping an arm around Kaylee's shoulders, Inara led her back towards the couch and sat them both down. Taking a moment to formulate her answer, the companion finally raised her eyes and smiled softly. "Kaylee, we come from vastly different worlds and backgrounds. It does no good to compare our reactions."

"So, you wouldn'ta," Kaylee murmured, feeling even worse than she had only moments before. She'd guessed that Inara would have stayed strong and fought back. Inara wasn't weak, never had been; hell, she couldn't be – in her line of business it was probably considered a handicap.

"Mei mei, the way Early threatened you – what he said," Inara told her quietly, waiting until Kaylee had again looked up before continuing. "Well, let's just say that threat wouldn't have had quite the same effect on me."

Her brow knitting in concentration as she tried to read between the lines, Kaylee's mind worked furiously to puzzle it out. As recognition dawned a look of intense sympathy passed over the girl's face and she murmured, "I'm sorry, 'Nara. I din't mean to make you think o' bad things."

Waving away her concern, Inara squeezed her hand gently and said, "It's nothing, Kaylee. It's in the past. And in a few more weeks, all of this go se with Early will be in the past as well."

Shaking her head once, Kaylee told her, "Nu-huh, Inara. It ain't ever gonna be past." Dropping her voice to a whisper, she confided, "I can't sleep. I can barely go into the engine room. Every time I hear the slightest creak or moan, I get all jumpy." Sighing heavily, a few more tears fell down her face as she added, "I'm so tired o' bein' afraid."

Pulling the girl back into an embrace, Inara rubbed soothing circles along her back, doing her best to offer comfort. "I know, mei mei," she whispered into her hair, just as another small sob hiccupped from her. "I know."

---- ----

Mal rounded the edge of the catwalk over the cargo bay, making sure to check every nook and cranny. Since his boat had been boarded by that hun dan no more than two weeks ago, he'd made it his nightly ritual to circle the ship, examining every deck, every entryway, every seam for any sign of weakness. He would not let his home be invaded again.

Satisfied that the bay was empty as it should be, he tiredly made his way towards the galley. He paused for a moment by Inara's shuttle door, his eyes lingering a bit too long on the dark metal. With a small shake of his head, Mal knew he should just leave well enough alone. Inara was leaving, she had made that plain. Nothing he said or did at this point was bound to make a bit of difference.

"Not true."

"Ah!" Mal whirled toward the sound of the small voice, willing his heart to stop racing as his mind connected that he wasn't in danger. Of course, it was River who had called to him from the shadows, so maybe he was in a bit of danger.

With a frown, she stepped into the light and scolded, "Not nice."

Ai ya, adjusting to having a reader on board was going to take some time. "Sorry, River," he mumbled, moving towards the small kitchen to rustle up a cup of tea. "I din't mean ta – think – mean."

River had no comment to this and so Mal continued with his business. In truth, discovering River's abilities hadn't been quite as unsettling as remembering her conversation with the bounty hunter. Occasionally, her words would come back to haunt Mal, and although it annoyed him to feel remorse for the way he and the crew had treated her, he knew, in his heart, he deserved it.

"I wouldn't want me around either."

There she was talking out of thin air again, and Mal found himself flinging hot tea off of his now burned hand. Scowling at her as he ran the offended skin under some water, he asked, "What's that now?"

Moving to his side, River brought those impossibly large eyes to Mal's face and told him evenly, "I understand why you want me gone. I'd be afraid too."

With a sigh, Mal held her gaze, noting the small crease of her brow, right above her nose and the way her eyes never wavered from his. The girl had shown more strength and resilience than Mal was rightly sure he'd ever witnessed before and it shamed him to think that his first reaction – his only reaction – had been to turn her away like a rabid animal.

Patting his hand dry, Mal took a step toward her and said quietly, "River, that ain't it."

Cocking her head to one side, she reminded him, "It really is pointless to lie to me."

Chuckling slightly, Mal nodded once, and then tossed the dishrag back on the counter. "Well, I 'spose that's true." Meeting her gaze again, he placed a light hand to her shoulder and said earnestly, "But regardless o' what I may or may not o' said – or thought," he added uncertainly, "I don't want you gone, lil' one. You got that?"

Searching his eyes and his mind for the falsehood she was convinced had to exist, River found herself quickly spiraling out of control at its absence. Backing away from him, she moved with small measured steps towards the galley table and slowly sank into one of the chairs there. Placing her palms flat against the rough wood, River forced herself to take deep breaths, squeezing her eyes shut.

Mal couldn't be telling her the truth, she knew that. He had to want her gone. River had managed to convince herself in the past few weeks that Mal and the rest of the crew were only looking for an excuse to get River off the ship. She had almost done the work for them with Early, but another plan had presented itself, a less dangerous one until Simon had tried to be a hero, and so she had adapted quickly. But it didn't change the fact that she was a threat or that as soon as Mal had seen her with the loaded gun in the cargo bay, he'd resolved to immobilize her and save his crew.

"Don't mean it," she whispered harshly, her mind refusing to acknowledge what her heart could feel. There was no animosity coming from Mal now, no ill will toward her or her brother. There was only concern, a concern he normally reserved for the other members of his family – not for her. "Can't mean it. Doesn't make sense."

Mal studied the young woman intently, wondering what to do. He fleetingly thought of calling the doc, but knowing that the younger man was still recovering from his gunshot wound, he thought better of it.

As River started to whisper to herself, words that made no sense, Mal moved to her side, kneeling and reaching for one of her hands. As he closed his own rough, calloused one around her small, cold fingers, he waited for her usual, violent reaction. But it didn't come. Instead, his touch seemed to still her, her shoulders relaxing visibly as he squeezed her hand gently.

"River?" he asked cautiously, uncertain of whether her current mood was lasting or simply the calm before a violent ass-kicking. "Lil' one, can ya hear me?"

"What if I hurt them?"

It was a throaty whisper, and Mal strained to make it out. Once he did a shiver raced down his spine; it was a question he'd been asking himself a lot lately as well.

Moving into the nearest seat, Mal pulled it close to the young girl, making sure to never move his hand from hers. She was so small and fragile, so delicate, it was hard to even consider her a threat – but Mal guessed her manipulation of Early was only the tip of a very large and possibly violent iceberg residing within her.

"River, darlin', look at me," Mal commanded, not surprised when it took her a few moments to bring those big, baleful eyes to his face. Offering her a small grin, he asked softly, "Do you want to hurt us?"

Biting her lower lip, River could only shake her head once, her hair flying about in all directions. Unbidden tears sprang to her eyes and she tried to keep them away, but with a will of their own they ran down her cheeks in two steady streams.

"Then why do ya think you're gonna?" Mal watched her, his expression still soft and waited for her to tell him.

But River couldn't tell him. She could not admit that there was a dark place inside of her where she knew she, River, did not exist. It was a fabricated place, one devised and implanted by the Blue Hands when she'd been their lab rat at the Academy, but it was there all the same. She avoided it with all the willpower and strength she possessed, but it was always there. River feared there would come a day when that gaping vortex would pull her in unknowingly – and then nothing that she wanted would matter. She would function not as River, but as something else and that other thing would make no distinction between friend and enemy.

"Please don't send me away." Unable to tell Mal everything, River opted to plead with him instead. Turning to face him fully, River gripped his hand with both of hers and whispered, "Please don't. Simon needs to be here. He needs Serenity and so do I."

Smiling softly, Mal reached up to cup her face in his hand and said softly, "Look, River, I ain't exactly your brother's biggest fan, but you I got no problem with. I ain't turnin' either o' you out, you got that?" As she nodded, he added, "You're part o' my crew, both o' ya. Do you know what that means?"

Glancing down to their intertwined hands, River said softly, "Means we're family."

"Exactly," Mal affirmed. As River again brought watery eyes to regard him, Mal felt an uncomfortableness rising in his chest. Feeling as if he might have shared too much with the young reader, he rose abruptly, dropping a kiss into River's hair as he moved past her and towards his bunk.

"You get some sleep, lil' one," he called to her as he fled the room, missing the small smile that tugged at River's mouth. "Night."

"Good night, Captain Daddy," River murmured, her gaze remaining locked on his retreating form long after he was out of sight.

---- ----

"I ain't never been afraid o' sex before."

Kaylee's voice was strained but understandable, and Inara did her best to continue her movements, running the large, flat brush through Kaylee's hair. The girl had talked on and off for a few hours now and Inara was glad that they seemed to finally be getting to the true heart of the matter.

Not saying a word, Inara simply ran the brush again through her friend's thick hair, knowing she would continue. And she did.

"I always thought it was somethin' fun, ya know?" Kaylee studied her hands in her lap, her fingers absentmindedly picking at a loose thread. She had cried all of her tears, or at least, she hoped she had. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying and honestly she was just too tired. Allowing the soothing, repetitive motion of Inara's brush through her hair to calm her, she said softly, "But he made it dirty an' disgustin' an' even though he din't – do nothin' to me, I still feel used. Ashamed, I guess," she added with a sigh.

Pulling away, Kaylee rose slowly and moved back towards Inara's couch. Grabbing for a rich, thick blanket the companion had folded over the back, the younger woman wrapped it snugly around herself and cuddled up, tucking her legs beneath her.

Inara regarded her friend's forlorn gaze and wished she knew what to say. The idea of sex as a power play was not new to Inara. She had too many memories of instances where she had been in Kaylee's position – out of control and afraid. Unfortunately it was an occupational hazard in her line of work. But for Kaylee, it was simply terrifying.

"What if I don't never like it again?" Meeting her friend's distraught eyes, Inara smiled softy as she moved to her side and Kaylee continued. "What if I don't never wanna have sex 'gain?"

"Mei mei," Inara told her firmly, clasping her hands. "That's not going to happen. It's going to take time, of course, for you to realize that what Early did, the threat he made, that was something he did because he was psychotic. Other men, most men, aren't like that." As Kaylee averted her eyes and shivered slightly, Inara swallowed and then asked in a whisper, "Do you think Simon is like that?"

Snapping her eyes back to Inara's, Kaylee's were wide with a bit of fright. Shaking her head once as a few more tears rose to the surface, Kaylee murmured, "No, o' course not. Simon's the kindest, gentlest man I know."

Nodding in agreement, Inara wrapped a strand of Kaylee's hair behind her ear and continued. "Exactly. And what about Mal? The Shepherd? Wash? Even Jayne? Do you think they're capable of something like that?"

Smiling slightly, Kaylee actually chuckled at the thought. "O' course they ain't. They're good folk."

Returning her grin, Inara felt a bit of relief at seeing her friend relax. Kaylee wasn't quite back to herself, but at least she was able to smile more freely now. "Precisely. The 'verse is full of good people, Kaylee. Men and women who are decent and kind to one another. A man like Early, he's someone you never should have met, but he's not the norm. And it would be a shame if you held the depraved proclivities of one man against all the others."

"I don't wanna," she murmured, leaning towards Inara. Resting her head on her shoulder, she added, "I just wanna feel safe again."

"It's going to take time, mei mei." Inara's fingers again combed through her hair and Kaylee felt her exhaustion catching up with her. "You're just going to have to be patient with yourself and give it time."

With another sigh, Kaylee nodded minutely and knew that soon she would asleep. She felt comfortable and warm surrounded by Inara's presence. Reluctantly sitting back up, Kaylee smiled wanly to her friend and said dejectedly, "Well, I guess I should go. It's awful late."

Smiling, Inara shook her head once and told her. "Why don't you stay here, mei mei? That bed is more than big enough for the both of us." Eyeing her with a knowing look, the companion added, "And you need to sleep. We need you to keep Serenity in the air."

Returning the grin, Kaylee nodded once, still too tired and bothered to put up a fight. As Inara rummaged through a trunk to pull out an extra set of pajamas, Kaylee washed her face and changed, luxuriating in the feel of the silky nightgown against her skin. She wasn't used to wearing something so fancy, and it made her feel like more of a woman, sexy and confident. And for the first time since Early had threatened her, the idea of flashing one of her bright smiles at a man and flirting a bit didn't turn her stomach.

With relief flooding her, Kaylee easily slid into bed and was soon asleep.

Inara watched her from across the shuttle for a bit, collecting a few things and cleaning up. Just as she too was about to retire the sound of scuffling feet outside her hatch drew her attention. Moving to the door, she peered through the window and frowned. What in the name of Buddha was Mal doing skulking around her door in the middle of the night?

Glancing back to Kaylee to make sure she was still asleep, Inara pulled a robe around herself and stepped out to greet the fidgety captain.

"Mal?"

"Oh, hey there, 'Nara," he greeted her lamely, looking up from his intense study of his feet to give her a wry smile. "Hope I din't wake ya."

Her frown deepening as she recognized his discomfort, Inara moved towards him, leaning against the catwalk's railing. "No, not at all. Kaylee and I were talking."

"How is she?" The look of concern that flashed through his blue eyes stole her breath for a moment and Inara was again struck by the level of love Mal felt for his crew, Kaylee especially. The younger woman was as dear to him as any, and Inara felt a small pang as she realized she would give up quite a bit of her pride for him to feel that same type of concern for her.

Sighing heavily, Inara dropped her eyes to the grating and debated what to tell him. She knew that Mal did not take kindly to his home, his ship, being invaded by that bounty hunter, nor had he liked the idea of any of his crew being endangered. Inara also knew he didn't know the full extent of Kaylee's interaction with Early and at this point, she figured that wasn't her secret to tell.

"She's upset, Mal, of course," she began slowly, returning her brown eyes to his blue and willing her voice to remain even as his eyes bored through her. "It was very scary, especially for Kaylee. She always felt that Serenity was a safe place, a haven. Needless to say, Early finding his way on board in the middle of deep space has shaken her up a bit."

"But he didn't hurt her, right?" Mal had struggled over the past few weeks to keep his cool when he was around his mei mei. He knew that Kaylee was more bothered and disturbed by Early's visit than she was letting on, but whenever he had even attempted to discuss it with her she had easily deflected him.

"Not physically, no," Inara admitted. When Mal refused to accept that answer at face value, she sighed again and sank onto the top stair. Mal followed her, sitting close in the tight space and Inara tried not to concentrate on the feel of his thigh touching hers. "He threatened her Mal, before he left her tied up in the engine room. He threatened her in order to find out where River was and Kaylee was scared. So she told." Glancing to him from the corner of her eye, Inara watched as Mal's expression of concern changed to one of hardened determination. "The guilt and the threat are weighing heavily on her. She hasn't been sleeping."

Mal sighed, dropping his head into his hands. Kaylee never should have been in that position, never should have had to face down that hun dan. But, just as with so many other people in his life, she'd been placed in danger, because of him. "She should o' never seen that. Never had to deal with it," he mumbled, his voice barely audible through his hands. "I promised her folks I'd keep her safe."

"And you have, Mal," Inara assured, squeezing his knee gently. Once he'd brought saddened eyes to her face, she continued. "You've always done all you could for Kaylee, for all of us, to keep us safe. Early was more determined than just about any other enemy we've ever encountered. You're not infallible," she reminded him softly, noting the hurt that colored his expression. "Kaylee knows that if you could have prevented it, you would have. And that's enough."

"It's not enough, 'Nara," he retorted harshly, rising swiftly and pacing away from her. She watched him go in silence, knowing from the quickness of his gait and the slump of his shoulders that he was not through berating himself for a situation he'd never had any control over. "If anythin' had happened to Kaylee or River or you," he added the last quietly and Inara swallowed hard, her hand absentmindedly running over the healing cut on her lip as he said, "I wouldn't o' been able to live with myself."

Turning away from her, Mal leaned heavily on the railing before him, his knuckles gripping the bar so tight they were turning white. Inara watched him struggle to bring his emotions under control, counting to ten before she gathered her robe and moved back to his side. Resting a light hand to his shoulder, Inara told him quietly, "Mal, we're fine, all of us. Yes, it was an awful situation, but we survived it and no one on board blames you for it happening."

"I'm the captain, 'Nara," he reiterated, his voice even and controlled. "I'm the only person who-"

"Who what, Mal?" Inara was done being understanding. If he was going to be irrational, than so was she. Dropping her hand from his shoulder, she asked hotly, "What? Being captain makes you so superior to the rest of us that you feel you can control the universe? It doesn't work that way."

"You don't think I know that," he shouted, whirling on her with fire burning in his blue eyes. "Why do you think I hate this so much? I couldn't keep Early off my boat, I can barely keep food on the table and I certainly can't keep you from-" Shocked that he'd gone so far, Mal snapped his mouth shut, his cheeks flushing red as he realized what he'd almost admitted. His chest heaving with emotion, he stalked away from her, doing his best to get his feelings under control.

This is not the way he'd envisioned this conversation going. He had thought to ask her to talk to River, make sure the young reader was all right, but now Mal realized any excuse to talk to Inara before she left in a few weeks was really his way of creating an opportunity – the opportunity to ask her to stay. He never would of course, his pride was much too large for that, but at least if he went to her he could always comfort himself after she'd gone with the fact that he'd tried.

"From what, Mal?" Inara's eyes blazed with an equally intense fire as she retorted, "From whoring? No, you can't, which is why I'm going, so you won't have to bear witness to it any longer."

With a haughty turn, Inara marched back to her shuttle, wishing the whole time that Mal would stop her and only allowing her disappointment to show that he hadn't once he was safely back inside.

---- ----

Kaylee stood in the doorway to the engine room, hesitant to enter. She felt better than she had in weeks. Her full night's rest in Inara's shuttle and breakfast that morning had done wonders for her nerves and her mind. She was again calm, not quite back to being cheerful just yet, but at least her insides weren't quivering.

But she couldn't quite bring herself to step over the threshold and enter what had once been her sanctuary. Despite the gentle hum she could hear and the slight vibration that seeped into her hand through the metal wall, Kaylee found her heart racing as she tried and failed to work up the courage to go inside.

A few tears of frustration and sadness welling in her eyes, Kaylee turned away from the door, resting against the wall, her head tilted back and her eyes shut as she counted to ten and tried to bring her breathing under control. So lost was she in her own panic, she didn't hear the almost silent approach of Simon.

Laying a tentative hand to her shoulder, he called softly, "Kaylee?"

The light touch was enough to unnerve her, and Kaylee jumped, letting out a small shout of surprise in the process. Simon moved to the other side of the hallway as quickly as he could, his own features colored with concern at her reaction. Frowning at her, he watched as Kaylee rested a hand over her heart and took a few deep breaths, before asking, "Are you all right? I didn't mean to scare you."

Waving away his apology, Kaylee balled her hands into fists in the hopes he wouldn't be able to see how badly they were shaking. Turning resolutely towards the engine room, she forced herself inside, calling over her shoulder, "Jus' shiny, Simon. Did ya need somethin'?"

Simon stepped into the room behind her, staying by the doorway and watched. She moved with her normal confidence, marching over to her workbench and rummaging through a toolbox, before pulling out a particular instrument. But as Simon studied her more closely, he noticed her fervent looks back toward the doorway, and how she tried desperately to position herself behind the engine so that her back was never to the entrance.

Apparently, his sister's assessment that Kaylee was scared had been right, as had his own that she wasn't eating or sleeping. Suppressing a wave of guilt, he said quietly, "Actually, I was just coming by to check on you." Moving closer, he stepped up beside her unsteadily, still favoring his healing leg and noted again how she jumped when she realized how close he was. "I came by your bunk this morning to see how you were doing and you weren't there." Risking another startled reaction, Simon rested his hand to her shoulder and breathed a silent sigh of relief when she didn't pull away. "I was worried."

Kaylee held his gaze until he became blurred by tears and then slowly backed away. Her own guilt at her role in Early's discovery of him and River was still gnawing away at her and while Kaylee was touched by his concern, thrilled by it actually, she was also deeply aware that she didn't deserve it.

"Oh, I'm shiny," she told him unconvincingly, her voice shaking a bit, even as she wiped hurriedly at a few tears that had managed to escape. "Don't gotta worry 'bout me." Glancing to his injured leg, she added, "Should be worryin' on yourself."

Following her gaze, Simon smiled softly and said, "Oh, what, the gunshot wound? One of River's punches hurts more than that."

Giggling in spite of her mood, Kaylee met his eyes, those blue, blue eyes that she knew she would die to get lost in, before again feeling a wave of discomfort. Thinking on her talk with Inara from the night before, Kaylee made a decision in that moment. She knew she was afraid of Simon's reaction to the news that she had betrayed him and the only way to move past that was to tell him. She had told her friend she didn't want to be afraid; and she was going to start working towards that goal right now.

Taking a hesitant step forward, Kaylee reached for Simon's hand and clasped it lightly. Glancing down to their hands quickly and then back to Kaylee's open face, Simon smiled softly, and waited. Swallowing hard, Kaylee told him, "Simon, there's somethin' I really need to tell ya."

He nodded once, but kept his silence and so Kaylee simply pushed the words out past her lips. "I tol' Early where River was sleepin'. I shouldn't of, I didn't want 'im to get her, but he-" Breaking off, Kaylee dropped her eyes to the floor and pulled her hand away, burying her face against her palms to hide her tears.

Simon watched her struggle with a sudden lump in his throat. He didn't rightly care what she had told Early; he remembered, with shocking clarity what the bounty hunter had threatened to do to her, and Simon would just as soon die as let that happen. Taking a step towards her, Simon placed his hands on her shoulders lightly, feeling her stiffen at first, but then relax as he moved closer. Burying her head against the top of his chest, she murmured, "I'm so sorry, Simon. I got so scared. I know I shouldn't o' told, but I-"

Smoothing his hand through her hair, Simon told her, "Kaylee, it's all right. River wasn't even in her bunk that night." As Kaylee inhaled a few shaky breaths, Simon allowed his arms to move around her, holding her loosely against him and he sighed at the feeling of comfort and completeness he felt embracing her. "You don't have anything to apologize for. I never wanted you, or anyone else, to be hurt trying to protect River. She's my responsibility."

Sniffling, Kaylee lifted red rimmed eyes to him and said brokenly, "That ain't true, Simon. You both are part of our crew, part of our family an' I should o' never-"

Pressing his finger to her lips, Simon told her softly, "Kaylee, please. Don't do this to yourself. That man, Early, was capable of so many things. He told me what he threatened and the thought of him – hurting you …" Simon choked on the words, his mind conjuring images that left his blood cold. The muscle in his cheek twitching as he fought to bring his anger under control, he told her, "If River and I are part of this crew, than that means we all look out for each other. River looked out for all of us that night." Dipping his head lower, he rested his forehead against hers and murmured, "Apparently being a reader has its privileges."

Kaylee chuckled lightly, again feeling better. She knew it was partly because of Simon's forgiveness, but also because he was holding her. She had never felt so safe or protected in someone's arms before and she relished the feeling. Maybe things would be all right after all.

The silence built between them, and neither of them wanted to break it. It was comfortable and comforting and Simon wished he could close that impossibly small distance between them and kiss her. Her lips, full and pink, were so inviting, he couldn't stop imagining the feel of them beneath his own. But it wouldn't be right to do that, not now, not when he still had River to look after. She was going to be demanding his attention for months, maybe even years, and Kaylee didn't deserve to be second, to anyone.

Reciting a silent prayer that she might actually wait for him, Simon reluctantly pulled back, doing his best to ignore the look of disappointment that filled Kaylee's green eyes. Keeping her at arms length, he asked quietly, "Do you – do you have a lot to do in here today?"

Shrugging, Kaylee glanced about the room and said, "Not really. Jus' a few system checks. I should be done 'round lunch though."

Grinning, Simon told her, "Well, that's perfect, because after lunch I will be sitting on the couch outside the infirmary bored to tears." With twinkling eyes, he asked, "I don't suppose you could keep me company?"

Returning his coy look with an equally disarming one of her own, Kaylee said with a sigh, "Oh, I 'spose that could be arranged."

Chuckling softly, Simon leaned forward and kissed her cheek before whispering, "I'll see you then."

"Yeah, see ya," she whispered back, watching him go with butterflies in her stomach. As he limped from the room, Kaylee found herself smiling, a tune on her lips and with a newfound lightness she set to work, no longer looking over her shoulder.

----- ----


End file.
